Saturday, January 22, 2005

Spring

Every year when chinese new year comes, my mom nags at me to clear my room. Throw out the stuff that I've left strewn all around. Bundle up the disgusting amount of clothes I have allowed moss to grow on by never once wearing them. Put everything in order. Colour-and-size-coded, if you please.

Likewise the old blog that has been by my side, the past 2 years or so.

You can say I've grown out of it. Not in the way chubby kids grow too big and tall for their jumpers and squeaky booties. I have not become too el'sophistical for blogging! It's just that so much has changed in my life since then, it's time for a new spring to sit atop the old cobwebs I've since dusted away.

In many ways I feel like a proud parent. la-estrella. Which like its namesake, was the star I looked upon in my lowest moments and in my proudest joys. She held me while I feverishly opened my heart to her. All the manymany nights spent pounding at the keyboard. Smiles, tears, fear, laughter. She has truly seen me past all I've been through. From the small frivolities to the times I woke up to a different tomorrow. I'm not someone who blogs what I don't feel. What you see is what you get.

It's hard to let go of something that has become precious.

But I had a look at the archives, right from the very first entry, to the very last one. And I couldn't help but feel alienated. The odd shudder. Nothing now is like anything then. I stepped out, spun aimlessly towards walls that did nothing but knock me out cold. Before finding myself again. Before being found.

And I'm right where I want to be. Refreshed, renewed.

Spring, it really is all around.

Spring leaves her right hand resting on my palm. A breath, then a whisper. Her golden voice dancing into my ear, This is for you, my dear.
And as I look up to the falling hem of cherry blossoms, that trail behind her disappearing figure, I see what she has left behind.
A playing card. The two of hearts.
Nestling atop the life lines that cross endlessly on my palm.
A figure in the distance, arms outstretched. My hand to rest in his.
Finally found.



Laid bare at 11:44 pm
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