Monday, February 28, 2005

Too tired

Everything makes me tired these days.

LTB makes me tired, mix that together with being pissed and impatient, and you get the picture. Sociology readings make me tired, I can't see myself finshing even one chapter. Comms lessons with 2 written assignments in the span of 3 hours make me so tired, I have to bite on my lip to stop myself from blowing up at my groupmates. The idea of dance lessons with my clueless feet makes me tired, and I feel stupid. Sitting with friends all around in the oh so familiar CR4, yet feeling so alone and so lost. Tired, just tired.

It's just a general draining of the life in me. Sapping out in such quick motions that every little thing just makes me feel like dropping all I'm holding onto, collapsing into one messy heap. In front of everyone who thinks I'm so collected, so held-together.

Think so? Think again.

Sometimes I wonder if it's really me speaking. Or some evil alter-ego that comes out of me when I'm too tired to even envision waking up to another day.

Out on this road
Everything changes
No, nothing ever stays the same
Faith comes and goes
Dreams are forsaken
We take our chances
Everyday


Laid bare at 11:37 pm
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Sunday, February 27, 2005

I love you

I never liked the film Love Actually.When I watched it, I thought it was soppy and unrealistic. I mean, come on, what a saccharine take on love! All that christmas tinsel and mistletoe magic being thought equivalents to the love-is-in-the-air feel? Didn't buy it.

But that was because I didn't watch it with the right person.

From an innocent MSN nickname, to a full belief in this:"Without hope or agenda -Just because it's Christmas, and at Christmas you tell the truth- To me you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you." We've come full circle, and I know we're going to make it.

So many hours we've spent, just like tonight, just sitting in the car, talking about all that happened that made us who we are now. And it seems like we'll never stop talking about that, never stop retracing our steps, never stop marvelling at how everything fell into place.

* "Let us go get the shit kicked out of us by love!"


Laid bare at 12:53 am
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

MY PRETTY RED BIRKIES!!

It's a little crazy to blog twice in a day, but! I'm so happy!

I got my birkies finally!!! A pretty little red pair with tropical flowers and red buckles!

*Dances around

Yes, and with Terese's approval too :) My poor fairy was stuck with undecisive me - The plain green pair or the red? Three straps or two? Size 38 with my beloved pattern, or a nicely-fitting 37? I love it when shopping yields such happiness and ecstacy haha

And it's really nice to find someone I can really talk (and gossip) to. Terese was commenting on how both of us can sit just about anywhere, and talk to one another :) I like! Weiming agrees that I tend to be anti-social. Acquaintances aplenty, but close friends; very few. So the elf is thankful for the fairy! Very.


Laid bare at 11:01 pm
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Tired

Mambo Night yesterday. And by far the worst I've been to so far. Whatever happened to my good ol' decent retro? :(

Kudos to Terese, who provided us with Absolut Currant, which we downed as forfeits in stupid drinking games before we went in. And vodka is gross in styrofoam cups without ice. It gives a hot burning taste, we were perspiring before we even started jostling with pple on the dance floor.

And there was quite a bit of action within the darkdark confines of Zouk. Wink, be goooodddd now! ;P


Laid bare at 2:59 pm
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Waikiki '05 at a glance

Waikiki '05

Hot Hot Hot!

Liying and I, and a very extra Alina! :)

:)

Beach Bums

Flea and I - my favourite shot of the day :)

Laid bare at 2:36 pm
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

I wanna grow old with you

The Wedding Singer. My favourite movie of all time. Listening to Billy Idol introducing Robbie's classic song to Julia on the plane to Vegas just makes the timeless butterflies flutter in my tummy. So imagine my delight on finding it was being aired when I got to my Granny's place for dinner :)

Enough to make me forget about the absolute horror of having my wallet nicked today. Again. Enough to make me forget about the inevitability of never getting it back this time. A beach packed full of people forgettable faces and legs, ahhh forget it. Enough to make me forget about the nagging thoughts of my screwed up soci and democ papers. Enough to make me forget about my slightly sunburnt shoulder.

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do
Is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine
When your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
It could be so nice
Growin' old with you

I'll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the (wo)man
Who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you.

And that's exactly what I feel about you. About us.


Laid bare at 10:51 pm
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Thank you Terese, for a wonderful sleepover :)

Secondtime brownies are fabulous. Even more fabulous; are chats that last till 6am. And common traits and thoughts that made me want to prop myself up and say "Yeah me too!" :)

And also to you:

What a rollercoaster ride we took tonight. But I'm glad it ended on a high. Everytime these things happen, we look back and find out how much more we get to know about each other. That's the good that comes out of things like these. I'm happy, really I am.

Finally
Found
.


Laid bare at 1:36 am
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

No-lifer no-lifing away

Laid bare at 1:09 pm
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Laid bare at 10:44 am
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Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

Ordinary ordinary day. We had lunch and dinner at the Black Canyon Coffee joint, and mugged in school in between. Well, a little more special than ordinary. Since that was the furthest we could get away from Haven's food today, with midterm tests nagging at the back of our heads.

Other than that, it was like any other day. Walked through the Vday bazaar in school. But I bought Livestrong bands with Hailing, and Weiming bought some ugly pencil case for himself. Nothing for each other. No chocolates, red roses (and trust me, there was an abundance of these on sale in school today), teddies or candy.

BUT. I wouldn't trade this regularity for anything in the world. I love what we did, what we have.

Not that I'm not a closet romantic. Trust me, I am! It's just that I've never really seen the reason why the 14th of Feb should be a day exclusively marked out for maximum oomphish lovin'. I mean, there's no saying that everyday shouldn't be this way right? Not candlelight dinners or scented flowers or extravagant sparkly baubles- but simply gestures that show your love. Little things that make him or her get that nice little tingle of euphoria within small pockets of the day. And yes, actually I've already gotten my Vday present from him :) Suffice to say that the Fairy got the same thing from her Mr Goh, so we'll be traipsing down to a day of pampering won't we? :)

There are 364 more ways to say I love you.

Oh my love it's you that I dream of
Oh my love since that day
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain
Doesn't matter what I do now
Doesn't matter what I say
Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain

Laid bare at 11:03 pm
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Sunday, February 13, 2005

Surprise Surprise

Surprise surprise. That sneaky sneaky old trick!

And he's done it again :)

India Arie sings it well..

It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name
Now today you're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I'd feel this way
You're a beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You're a beautiful surprise

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it
Cause I believe that we're written in the stars
I don't know the future hopes
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You're a beautiful surprise
You're inspiration to my life
You're the reason why I smile
You're a beautiful surprise


Laid bare at 9:46 am
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Friday, February 11, 2005

CAD

Today was a good day. Measured along the lines of monetary gain from the Celest-Angbao-Drive (CAD). CAD has always been fairly inactive, much to the chagrin of yours truly here. Save for the odd birthday and the very odd good-grades days. But it sees a steady rise in input during the Chinese New Year season.

And I've realized that going to the homes of your father's business partners and colleagues reaps more monetary benefits than from church friends and acquaintances. CAD saw a surge in returns today because of that. Plus, this girl got to gawk at - a Porche, a Lexus MPV, a house with floor-to-ceiling- glass panelling, people talking about jetting to Vegas on business class so casually they sound nonchalent about crossing international borders for different meals on the same day. Oh bless my soul, all the things I will never have! But in any case, the opportunity costs for CAD are there, like not being able to fully catch up with people like Sam Chan and Nels properly, and having to forgo Aunty Molly's wonderful braised beancurd. :(

And my doodleboard made me laugh! Haha Greenie/onlooker: I am not vegetarian! What gives you that idea? I just thought the picture of the girl eating greens was cute. And you know when I was a kid I completely hated veggies, my mom had to literally chase me around to eat my greens! I was always hiding veggies between books or keeping them in my mouth til I could spit them out in the garden when nobody was looking. :) Haha. But if you could give me good vegetarian diet tips, feel free to tell me aiights? I wouldn't mind hahaha :)



Laid bare at 1:48 am
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Gong Xi Fa Cai, Hong Bao Na Lai!

Yesyes the only time I'm cheenafied is CNY :) I love watching the celebs lip-synching to chinese new year songs on TV and seeing people squeeze like mad in Chinatown. Love watching sweaty portly men dress up as the Fortune God, knocking into everyone in malls. And yes I love the fooooddd and the angbaos of course.

Just had our reunion dinner. Steamboat as usual, with soup so yummy my cousin slurped it all the way down to the metal pot base. And granny's pineapple tarts and almond cookies beckon from the jar. :) Fat fat and yummy

But yes, snort snort! I hate mahjong :) Evil grin* Those tiles should be swept away with the spring-cleaning efforts!

Oh yes! And a special shout-out to Adebelle! Who is alone in Singapore, without her family and Gilbert too (I presume Pris was right?). Happy New Year dearie! And stay happy and smiley aiiights? Don't sweat the small stuff. For the big stuff, we'll take 'em down together yes? Muahhh!



Laid bare at 11:14 pm
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Sunday, February 06, 2005

No-lifer no-lifing away

I do not appreciate spending my Sunday nights in school. And meetings all day long on the day before my Monday blues kick on.

It doesn't get any worse than this, does it?

Oh yes it does.

Comms presentation tomorrow, and I'm still stuttering like a faulty car engine that won't start. sput sput sput. And I can't pronounce all the Czech names. Dra-pa-lo-va. And daddy had to call Aunty Marilyn to ask her about French pronounciations. Lyon is Lee-Oyhn, Thiaffait is Thee-er-fay. sput sput sput.

And I keep going beyond my time limit, if I cut out all the stuttering, it'd probably be a gazillion minutes shorter. And LTB show and tell tmr too. 3 words- waste of time.

And I still have nothing to wear for Chinese New Year! Great I'll be the object they throw out when they're spring-cleaning. :(

And little Miss Grumpy is ignoring everyone on MSN now. No, actually just ONE irritant who keeps asking her about registering for the NKF checkups, while I'm fretting about emailing my Prof and finding out who the hell my TA is. Why would I want to find out my body fat percentage?! So I can console myself I'm not totally 100% blubberfied?! Mr Oh Weiming, stop it now! And stop going "earth to Celest". I'm not gonna respond with a "Beam me up scotty" yes?

But you're so cute la. Yes, even when I'm a grouch :)



Laid bare at 11:31 pm
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Saturday, February 05, 2005

Thank God It's Friday

Ok so maybe not, since it's already Saturday now. But it was probably my last un-busy Friday til the end of the semester :( So well, I better say TGIF before I don't get a chance to any longer.

Today in a nutshell:

-Was supposed to be shopping day for the Elf and the Fairy. But poor Terese got sick
-I am scared by white lips and an ashen face
-We didn't get her pointies and my capri pants
-But we will shop another day!:)
-Slack-talking at the biz block lobby
-Guys can be so bitchy too! Zhongggg
-In and out of salsa rehearsals
-Cong's NDU Happy Hour event @ The Chevrons
-Blending coke, tomatos, bananas, mayonnaise, vinegar, longans and chilli sauce don't make a very appetizing smoothie
-Spiking beer with Absolut can result in a puking fiasco in the toilet
-PDA-ing couples should keep their hands (and feet) to themselves
-Cong can do the bhangra! Haha
-Bartop dancers who look like maids are NOT a sight for sore eyes
-Poor Weiming was my ahmad today
-Fried kway teow at Killiney Kopitiam is not advisable for non-chilli eaters
-Stick to the tried-and-tested fried rice or prata , if you must
-Alone time is special time. I miss times like these
-Nearing home, detours are good. I like. :)
-I am deciding whether to do my sociology readings for the morning class
-I miss somebody



Laid bare at 1:14 am
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Blessings in the rough

I'm a cynical pessimist. The worst of the lot.

The way I see things, you'd bet your bottom dollar my corneas were tinted grey at birth - The glass is always half-empty, never half-full. I live by Murphy's law- if something bad can happen, it will. Rain only comes when I'm all set to swim. Even Dior would look bad on someone like me. If a person does something unconditional for me, he probably harbours ill intent, or is looking for something in return. Pimples work like leprosy only on my face, nobody else's. Parents prey on firstborns, for everything anyone in the household does.

I live on the slippery downside of things. As most things go around here.

But. Never before have I wanted things to move away from this perspective of mine so much as I want to now. It's a fucked up way of looking at things, of living. I know that. And it doesn't make a situation like this any better. Because I believe in the sudden death of relationships, and I have seen it happening to people I care about. Thank God for angels like Sylvie, whom I love and cherish so much. And who make me believe there is more to life than confusion, and that fugue as a solution is no solution. Sugar I'm so thankful for a friend like you, really. Can't express how much I appreciate you.

These past few days have been a living hell, some thorn-filled vortex that sucked me in even before I could find my feet to stand on. And it's not blown over yet. We've both been hurt more in the span of 4 days, than in the 6 months that made him and I -us.

For this. Just for this, I want to see the calm after the storm. The joy after the calm. For us. Baby I want to believe.

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me



Laid bare at 10:29 pm
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Strained

It always starts off with these tiny cracks. Which go unnoticed until a hairline imperfection turns into a tangible pain.

Today we sat together. But couldn't have been more far apart. And when I walked away, that feeling stayed. Never died down.

She'll find herself again.


Laid bare at 2:03 am
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