Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Blessings in the rough

I'm a cynical pessimist. The worst of the lot.

The way I see things, you'd bet your bottom dollar my corneas were tinted grey at birth - The glass is always half-empty, never half-full. I live by Murphy's law- if something bad can happen, it will. Rain only comes when I'm all set to swim. Even Dior would look bad on someone like me. If a person does something unconditional for me, he probably harbours ill intent, or is looking for something in return. Pimples work like leprosy only on my face, nobody else's. Parents prey on firstborns, for everything anyone in the household does.

I live on the slippery downside of things. As most things go around here.

But. Never before have I wanted things to move away from this perspective of mine so much as I want to now. It's a fucked up way of looking at things, of living. I know that. And it doesn't make a situation like this any better. Because I believe in the sudden death of relationships, and I have seen it happening to people I care about. Thank God for angels like Sylvie, whom I love and cherish so much. And who make me believe there is more to life than confusion, and that fugue as a solution is no solution. Sugar I'm so thankful for a friend like you, really. Can't express how much I appreciate you.

These past few days have been a living hell, some thorn-filled vortex that sucked me in even before I could find my feet to stand on. And it's not blown over yet. We've both been hurt more in the span of 4 days, than in the 6 months that made him and I -us.

For this. Just for this, I want to see the calm after the storm. The joy after the calm. For us. Baby I want to believe.

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me



Laid bare at 10:29 pm
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