Friday, August 05, 2005

***f, you got me thinking

A priceless quote (or rather, quip) from a not-so-wise friend: "You like him. He likes you. Just get together la."

That was about a year ago. And yes, we did get together in the end, but the equation was never that simple.

My story is being replayed all over again, this time, to another two helpless people Cupid's bow happened to smack (Yes, not hit by Cupid's arrow. Just haphazardly smacked by the damn plastic bow) And I just got to thinking, well, maybe if WZ's quip is decreed the official way people decide to throw away their single-status, then maybe the world would be a better place. Sans the headaches, potential anxiety and guilt, and the grey regions.

But see, if it really were that way, people would just remain bow-smitten, never arrow-worthy. Excuse the overuse of Cupidian analogy.

There are always things to consider, factors to mull over, issues to address, dusty closet skeletons to drag out, surprises (pleasant and unpleasant) to contend with. The most basic would naturally be the past of the person in question, naturally.
Was he a bastard/adonis to Sophia? Was she the one who had 42 boyfriends by the time she got to JC? Was he the one who left Pauline for Paul? Was she the one who chain-smoked with Ryan? Is he the one who made all the girls cry? Is she the one with the psycho stalker ex-boyfriend?
The past inevitably acts like the frayed end of an old Bata shoelace, ever present and ocassionally annoyingly obstructive.

And then there's the whole limbo period to get through (ooh-wee, aren't we so familiar with this term?)
I like him? He lusts over me? I could love him? He's falling deeper and deeper into this?
Add to that the guilt of progressing faster than the course nature intended for to take place. Of which the only unquestionable fact is that there is some form of mutual attraction- physical or emotional.

Out of this, there are many doubts that will surface, and many decisions that will have to be made.
To keep the public front and courtship seperate? To take things slow or strike while the iron is hot? To do what your mom recommends or take the Dharma and Greg route? Is she serious, or is he playing?
Sometimes these doubts are completely disconcerting. One moment you're on a high, so sure you'll be flying together in a week's time. And the next minute you're thinking of getting permanent residence in Alaska just to get away from all this shit. Been there, done that.

But as crazy as all these pre-relationship bumps can get, I think the journey would never be the same without them. They are necessary, not in a cushy bed-of-roses way, but in an essential-you-must-go-through-this way. It's like going on a vacation to Europe for the first time, which Meng and I did do over the summer holidays. There were hostels to book, rail trips to plan, tickets to buy, and monstrous packing to do for the period between chilly springtime and clammy summer. We squabbled over room rates, spent afternoons on the internet checking up places to go to and things to do, sat on our bursting suitcases while convincing our parents we didn't have to bring the kitchen sink with us (or maybe that was just me). But all in all, that made the entire trip possible. Our first time abroad as a couple, and for a wonderful 2 months we were able to enjoy a paradise we had never known before. More than worth the while.

Of course, sometimes it doesn't work out. Would it have been futile? Would it all have come to naught and nothing else? Well, in a way, yes because the end result isn't a happily-ever-after-together episode.
But, no, because the result isn't all there is to it. I've always maintained that when people do things together, when they have been on the same boat (even if it was just for that little while), they get to know one another in a way they would never have been able to before on a strictly platonic level. And there's always something to learn from all the potholes we step in, and all the mudpools we splash in right? What doesn't kill you should only make you stronger- if you're a guy, you get a little closer to Venus. If you're a girl, you see a little bit more of Mars.

That's the concept of crazy/beautiful, isn't it? Sometimes that little plunge you take could take you on a ride when you least expect it to. Nothing's ever stupid, nobody's ever dumb to let alcohol bring out unknown bravery, no one's ever looney for being a chronic fence-sitter. There's no such thing as doubting too much or being too confused. We're all being taken for a ride. Just that we don't know who's controlling the knobs, and who's running the circus show.

You're never too silly, silly. :)


Laid bare at 5:25 pm
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