Talk to the wind

Monday, October 31, 2005

It's not Christmas yet, is it?

The Alpha Weekend Away saw us tucking into no, not just the THREE gorgeous buffets at the Furama Hotel, but also into THREE Nicky Gumbel videos on the Holy Spirit. That guy just has an amazing talent for using ordinary stories about everyday life to illustrate the points he shares with his audience.

Aunty Grace is a wonderful listener. I think I've confirmed the fact that I am an oddball who delights more in the company of older people. I looked up to the older girls when I was a kid, not to the next girl with the prettiest Barbie set of all. I admired older British teachers rather than the whiz kid from the next class who brought the Angus Ross prize home. I love arduous rags-to-riches stories, not jumpstart yound entrepreneurial efforts. But I digress... Aunty Grace was such a gem, allaying my fears and never once talking down to me.

It was also a great weekend, because theboy brought me back to the place he first asked me to be his girlfriend. Yes, one up for sentimentals from the old school. And this time we talked about our spiritual ideals. Oddly, I don't think we intended for this to be the cementing session for any shared concensus of how we are to continue from hereon, but it did happen. I feel a lot more assured now, and a lot more confident about where we're headed.

And I sure know who I want to be headed there with.

I couldn't have asked for more honesty or more attentiveness. He told me everything for the first time, and helped me to understand all I never did about him.

This old girl hasn't felt such magic for a reakky long time. Allow it to sink in. Happiness is always good. Yes?

Yes.

Laid bare at 12:20 am
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Thursday, October 27, 2005

Make-believe olive skin

Talking to Jun has calmed me down. I love you babe. Raging raging emotions all day long. And no dudes, it's not PMS.

Just an emptiness. Just a (hollow?) fear. Just self-doubting. Just feeling small. Just petrified.

I paced a short length of Fort Road in the heat of my emotional rollercoaster, with theboy trailing behind me. I was angry, I was flabbergasted, I was appalled, I was riled up by the injustice of everything. Everything.

Please just keep your promises this time. I think the missing link's really all that simple. Just honour your word- Walk the Talk.

I'm writing poems at a sickeningly productive rate. No wonder so many literary greats went mad. I dont want to be Sylvia Plath or Anne Sexton.

Nerissa
Hot tears on a whitewashed wall.
I know
that
we can't see stars in daylight.

Give me the night.

Laid bare at 1:51 am
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Monday, October 24, 2005

Going loco down in Acapulco

If you stay too long.
Yes you'll be going loco down in Acapulco
the magic down there is so strong.

Acapulco is having your birthday and your first year with theboy within the smacker of one weekend.

Yes the world is wonderful. And I don't care if I'm feeling this euphoria only when special days are here; happiness is a golden tequila shot, you take it straight after one good slam. And if there's more you yell a hallelujah!
--

There's Tuesdays with Morrie- a cup of tea, a warm blanket, and plenty of snippets and secrets to share.
And there's Thursdays with Jun- vegetable pasta, sidewalk talk, and also, plenty of snippets and secrets to share.

And you know I've always been a sucker for Fridays; and especially so for the one that just passed. 21-10.. We've come a long way haven't we? And I think everyone, not just the two of us, agrees that this has been one heck of a ride. Bumpy bumpy chugging trainstops, but the locomotion's only going to get better, believe me.

It's centrifugal motion. It's perpetual bliss. It's that pivotal moment. It's subliminal.

Theboy used to call me the ice-cream monster, in our early MSN days. What a great reminder I got when he stuck a candle into a half-pint of B&J's Cherry Garcia and sang a whispery birthday song. And gave me twelve items to the tune of Julie Andrews and her goldangish "My favourite Things" song-and-dance. And it works primarily because I am a sentimental softie and I have a very obvious weakness for well, my favourite things!

And well, I felt like a Jewish bride and her week long matrimony. With a crazy whirlwind of celebrations one after another, I think I could have given her a good run for her money. And so it was our turn to play Dimsum Dollies and watch our tummies grow as we played with our chopsticks and treasures in little bamboo baskets. Chiayin and Syl and a lazy Saturday afternoon- I love.

And then it was the black party of the kohl-eyed beauty. Anna anna bobana banana fana fo fana. Ooh, and talks of naughty naughty people who can't keep their hands, and err other things to themselves in school. GSR wayang kulit and sex-toy focus groups, you don't sayyyy?

Oohsa, look at maa girl Syl. You think you're very big is it? I'll bite them boobies off if I can't have them!

The all-black girl posse. Does this scream Miss Seventeen to you? Haha, eat our dust Denise Keller ;P

And the Jewish bride wakes up to another day. And her wine barrels are still full and the guests are still sober! So she feeds them a little, then some more. A little cream-loaded cake is always a good tradition to keep, especially when they're from theboy's family.

I still get jitters sometimes because I know what a klutz I can be when I'm nervous. But hey, it's been a year, and yes, it's been good.

And then there was our trip to Lemongrass for Thai with the CR4 people. Or in Ra's words, 'the brothers and the three (girl) musketeers'. I seem to be fixated with Ra's words of late, he just seems so refreshingly candid; all good in a contrived place like blogspot. Hor, Raaaaaa, hor?

And I got a white clutch from the clutch-crazy Terese and the lulufied lulu. And flowers! (Insert more exclamation points here) not from theboy, but from Hilda and Koof. And of course I waved the pretty bouquet in theboy's vision, in long and pained arm movements. But naturally I know Koof is of a different species altogether, so there should be no comparison. Still, ladies and gents, I present to you my humble bouquet and Koofius the god of flowers and wrapping paper:

And like all prodigal kids, home is still where the heart is (or should be!). And fittingly, dinner with the folks, sibs and theboy (with my dad's longtime clients in tow) was the only way to go. Needless to say, bottomless stuffing with Jap soup bowls the size of two heads and ice-cream and cheesecake was not in the least surprising.

Thank you mommy, love you daddy. Sometimes it's as simple as that.

So thank you one and all, for making me feel special. Muchas Gracias, love all the way from Acapulco.

Laid bare at 1:35 am
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Thursday, October 20, 2005

I am the girl with the Libran heart

I thought we'd just be having dinner and talking some, laughing some. All in between gorging ourselves silly. But well what gives? We ended up talking for FOUR hours, and my pasta was cold by the time I remembered I was to finish it.

Sometimes you meet someone new, and you feel like she could be one of your oldest friends.

She didn't bring her golden sword, but The Oracle Hero did it with words today. And I know this one's for keeps. Yes, like it or not darling! ;P

"We're not weird, we're special." -Thanks, I'll remember that.

Coffee milk on the sidewalk.

Laid bare at 11:39 pm
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Carmen Kass, meet Elvis Costello

She

May be the face I can't forget

A trace of pleasure or regret

May be my treasure or the price I have to pay

She may be the song that summer sings

Maybe the chill that autumn brings

May be a hundred different things

Within the measure of a day.

She may be the mirror in my dream

A smile reflected in a stream

She may not be what she may seem

Inside her shell

For where she goes I've got to be

The meaning of my life is

She, she, she

Laid bare at 2:24 am
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

My grandmother ran away with the circus train

So this weekend I am going to be a birthday girl, ally of the Oracle Hero, a dimsum dolly with my a.C.s girls, and Daddy's little girl all over again. Oh and yes, a CR4 gathering (like finally) for Koof's and my birthday.

Oh yes I am going to be one of the people ushering in Anna's 21st with her! Yay she's a big girl now.

I'm blogging incessantly instead of chattering incessantly because I don't want to disturb Koof with my nervous talking. I am getting 2 midterm papers back today. And I am scared of seeing red slashes across my script.

-And ohyes, Kennedy. Al'Azhar soon ok? :)

Laid bare at 1:17 pm
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

The first crack

If I had my way, I would banish misunderstandings to the most far-flung corner of the earth.

Too bad I don't.

A couple of emails not even as long as the length of my palm acted like a splash of ice-cold water to my face. An invisible metal clapboard shoved up the small of my back. Sensory nerves jumping to life with the crushing of my big toe. An angry bruise pushing the grains of my skin with kneaded concentration. Yes, all the ways to describe the jolt back to reality, of the one thing I was constantly pushing to the back of my mind.

The one thing I didn't want to and couldn't bear to see appearing in a friendship we thought would take us straight through to white hairs and bent backs has surfaced. The first crack.

The first visible crack.

Laid bare at 9:04 pm
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Yes, if you're reading this, I'm probably talking to you

Tummyaches and intestinal upsets aside, I've got a birthday coming up and my wish this year is to meet up with friends I miss sorely, and who (yes oracle hero darling) haven't done a disappearing act in my life, and whom I love dearly.

You know who you are! Let's do this with initials, shall we?

T/R and Z/L: Yes my CR4 accomplices, I miss you both dearly.

J: The Oracle hero, my beautiful inspiration. I want to meet you!

T: Woman, can you ditch NUS for once and come to me?

KC: Please let our planned meeting materialize! (tell Jo Yeo too!)

S and A: The ACS girl-trio. I want to meet the both of you! It's been too long

AV and XL: I want to meet the one who shares the same birthday as me (ps: love the black hair), and the one who braved FT class with me.

YC: Get out of that diving suit and meet me! You're supposed to be my best guy friend OK

N/Z: The one who neglects me when I want to run with him :( But I still want to meet him!

B and R: I know we watched The Goal with WM that day already, but please come and meet me again!

HK: Won't make you drink or turn red, so meet me!

SC: So you're my oldest male friend. And I know your A levels are coming up, but you can spare some time for your oldest female friend right?

YY: Tete a'tete soon please?

And not forgetting Oh Weiming, theboyfriend- You have to meet me, haha you have no choice :)

-If you recognize your intials and the description of your illicit dealings with me, please tag me on the comment box ok? Otherwise, wait for my hounding SMS's yes?

Laid bare at 11:59 pm
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Poisoned by good food

See I knew it- there can never be too much of a good thing. I've been eating good food like a royal pig, and I've gotten my just desserts (pardon the lousy pun).

I have food poisoning.

It started slightly before lunch today, with sporadic sharp tummy pains. I thought it was gastric because I didn't take breakfast (well I usually don't anyway) but it didn't go away even when I took lunch. I couldn't even finish half my bowl of kway chap because it was too painful. And it escalated when I got home, discovering I couldn't even stand up staright because the pain was so intense.

And of course with every food poisoning episode there is the bathroom bit- yes I went to the bathroom a grand eight times today. My ass is sore damnit! :(

I want to get well soon!!!

Laid bare at 11:44 pm
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Larded up

I am eating way too much good food. I'm talking about rich, creamy, decadent food. I think I'm becoming to resemble one of those couch potatoes who can't distinguish where the fat flop of her ass ends and the sofa begins.

Homemade cheesecake and force-fed prata for supper last Friday. Paella on Saturday. A feast at Curry Wok with the family on Sunday. Bobby Rubinos' for lunch on Monday, grilled fish and sinful potatoes. Ben & Jerry's gluttony at home all day Tuesday, and a steamboat and grill buffet dinner at Marina Bay (which I totally abhor because of the low-quality food which we unfortunately still eat copious amounts of)

And there's Brewerkz for dinner tomorrow, and everyone knows what they put in German sausages and the way they prepare them =X Say it with me now- lardlardlard. And theboy wants to have a buffet lunch at the Grand Corpthorne on Thursday (Darling I hate to see you sick, but I'm actually hoping your bad throat will prolong past Thursday cos I really don't wanna eat so much, but I don't wanna disappoint you too.. Eck) And with my birthday and our first year coming up within the next week, it's gonna be stuffing sessions all the way.

Say hello to Miss Fatface.

Laid bare at 1:29 am
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Sunday, October 09, 2005

You and Me and a Paella pan

For most girls there's nothing a good bar of chocolate can't cure. For me, good old Spanish rice does the trick. Paella, especially the Valencia version- a dream a bite.

Avant garde dining, white canopies, shaded neon lights, lovely retro chairs, gentle bumboat hums from the river, talking by candlelight, dreaming of Europe again, and the star of course- our Paella Valencia.

And best of all, saying goodbye knowing that we will meet again tomorrow.

Pierdo nuestras noches calientes del verano en España

Laid bare at 12:49 am
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Friday, October 07, 2005

Viva Forever

The Spice Girls. They were my favourite group a good 10 years ago. I adored them. I still remember: Their debut album was my first CD, I purchased their fanclub magazine dutifully every month, I pinned up pictures of them my penpal in Liverpool sent to me all the time from Top of the Pops, and my favourite was Posh Spice. I still think I have the hots for Victoria Beckham today (more like her style, not her Mrs. Becks antics)

And my sec one class actually used the tune of Viva Forever to compose a song about the spice garden (spice! how apt!) we kept at Malcolm Park. We performed it proudly at some ceremony before some bigshot MP, because at the tender age of 13 you haven't yet internalized the paiseh emotion.

Teenybopper those Spice Girls days of spandex were: ginger tresses, high baby stockings, sporty trainers, crazy big hair, and posh unsmiling symmetrical faces. Truth is, I miss them very much.

Maybeapartofmejustdoesntwanttogrowup.Icraveandyearnforsimplicity.

-And this, was my favourite song out of all they churned out. Viva Forever, girlies.

Do you still remember, how we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my Saviour, my spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun

Hasta Mañana, Always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember, every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Hasta Mañana, Always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Back where i belong now, was it just a dream
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Hasta Mañana, Always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Laid bare at 4:44 pm
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A question of self-worth

Minute by minute I feel my life and my being sapped away from me. There's a force that's counter-pulling my efforts to stay afloat. It wants me to sink.

And now, or rather today, I think I might just oblige.

And when I look around, I realize I might just be all alone. If it were a blackout, I'd have to find a new light myself, because there is nary a soul around.

It's gotten to the point where I think that if someone associates herself or himself with my problems, they'd better check their screws. Yes I think I am that worth it. I should just eat my own dust.

Laid bare at 2:53 pm
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Mucha Gracias

'Too much of a good thing..

..Is wonderful.'

So said Mae West.

I don't believe her, because my Intro Econs text says: The more you consume something you originally deem fantabulously marvelous (excuse the euphoric terms, too much sugar too little food in my system) the more your marginal rate of satisfaction goes down, and the less likely you will be willing to trade something else you have for it. Comparing the demand for two commodities brings us to the indifference curve, of which we have to draw a budget constraint curve at a tangent to it.

Ohwhatthehellwhocaresanyway? There is a reason I got that big fat D at the 'A'Levels, and why I continue my downward reign with a trailing hoopla of C's even in uni. Yes life is sad. For me, anyway.

So for now: my temporary status of midterms: 3down-2to go, a midterm break, a mysteriously unplanned 2kg weight loss, an upcoming birthday I nearly forgot about, and a boyfriend who makes me happy when he doesn't make me angry, should suffice in making me happy.

Well, ok Mae. Too much of a good thing is..

..

..It's wonderful

Laid bare at 12:33 am
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Monday, October 03, 2005

A sociology major will never maketh me

I'm in a tango (or should I say tangle) with my three loving men; fathers of sociological theory they are.

Yes, they are loving the contorted look on my face when I try to fathom their convoluted theories and repetitive english.

Marx is one sick man; poor Jun. And Weber is worse; my sympathies are with Siow Boon and Jieyi, who had to make notes of the sicksick man's writings. He was probably some sado-masochist who loved classifying authority and dominion. I can just imagine why he had to have an affair; his poor wife probably couldn't take his love for chains and whips.

Please let me get through this week unscathed. Pretty pretty please.

Laid bare at 2:15 pm
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Saturday, October 01, 2005

Wildflower

A little girl waded through a field of gold, almost a skip in her step, the hem of her green cotton frock grazing the tips of the open petals. Stopping only to talk to the most beautiful marigold of all, she asked, "Can I take you home with me?"

A haughty reply, "Why, no. I shall stay here. I am the queen of the wildflowers."

Her eyes were wide open as she walked away, the skip dying down just a little. She knew her dolls were waiting, four to a table, for her to come home for their tea party. And because Spring was here, they could open the nursery windows and draw the curtains back; the dancing sunbeams would come in for a cup of tea too.

Why should a haughty wildflower make a little girl smile any less?

Laid bare at 1:29 pm
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