Talk to the wind

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Fallen, but not too far

It was dark.

The mushy wetness that met her feet told her she had been placed in a cave. Shaking her head fiercely twice, she cursed the pounding strain that grabbed her temples. Her eyes failed to relieve her of the mystery that lay before her.

"Where am I? Why did the beast bring me here?"

Instinctively her left palm reached for her right wrist, and even in the darkness she felt the cake of dried blood inked on top of a wound she only remembered too well. That beast left its mark on her.

Touching the moss-covered sidewall, she attempted to walk forward. Surprised by the feeling she found back in her legs, she uttered a soft offering of thanks. To Someone above, ahead, below, at the side.. She didn't know.

She was a clever girl. At age twelve she got her golden orb. Most girls put their dainty fingers round the auroral stem of the defining globe only when they were eighteen. She had come of age before them, before any of them.

"How then, did I fall so far?"

That question, she knew only too well. It was what she thought of every night before she fell into slumber, it was the landmark of all her fitful dreams. The answer, she knew was irrelevant. Because all in kind was already written in The Great Book. She knew she had to walk this way, fall this way. Sometimes when she ran her fingers through the shower of stars in the velvet canvas of the night sky, she swore she traced her path. The rise, and the fall.

Her rise, and her fall.

But constellations don't end there, she of all people would know that. And as she groped blindly in that empty black cave, she hoped the rest of her path was hidden somewhere above;- in the stars that her fingers could not trace.

Laid bare at 11:14 am
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Monday, November 28, 2005

Le présage : les Examens

The claw was set on her dainty wrist, the grip tightening each time she breathed. The creature turned to face her, it's black abomination of a hand digging in deeper. She felt the lacerations- they sent sharp jets of pain down her spine. A warm liquid clung onto her wrist; she knew she was bleeding.

"Yield. Yield and submit. Yield, and then you fall."

The demand hung on the creature's pursed lips, and its voice cracked with a delicious foreboding it seemed to enjoy.

She turned away, unable to think. It already took so much from her. She doubted she could ever face it again, much less fly above it. Once upon a time she soared above the snarling beast that stood before her. Once she knew she could banish it. Now she couldn't even stare it in the eye.

She shut her eyes, lost her voice, and a single teardrop signalled her fate.

-

I can't hold up very much longer. Today's sociology paper killed me; I don't know what else to do. There's no optimism to leech onto in view of the other papers to come.

Hey you, yes you. The one they call Examinations:
You want me? You got me. Come get me.

Laid bare at 12:59 pm
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Saturday, November 26, 2005

Random is a word I just thought up

So the blog has been going through stagnation. Stagnation stagnation.. Sounds like stagflation;- cost push inflation, higher prices, lower output, leftward shift of the aggregate supply curve. Haha not bad, I can revise while wasting time online.

I just started econs today. Yes, kill me now. Social Psych is such a huge chore, I take one day to do just 2 damn chapters. Whatever happened to the little speed reader I was not so long ago?

And I think I really like macroeconomics so much better than micro. Give me whole economies, I can't analyze firms and markets.

And I haven't started on sociology. Which is tralala, on Monday. All I've done is read and make notes on Durkheim's masterpiece Suicide, which incidentally doesn't sound like too bad an idea now.

And I've got RMSS on a Saturday afternoon. Beat that, the last of the SMU population to finish the damned finals.

I think the exam bug has really numbed my brains. I have nothing to say. Really, I should just go mug somemore and contribute to the future human capital component of the productivity function. Y= A F(L,K,H,N)

Yikes.

Laid bare at 11:24 pm
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Monday, November 21, 2005

I kissed the mailman!

Today the mailman came with some very special things for me.

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I think Mr Mailman drove his little mail scooter to Greenwood Avenue, and checked out some woodfire pizza for me.

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And a lily from the east, quite literally so. (Mr Mailman likes to present flowers stalk by stalk, he doesn't like wrapped bouquets, for some odd reason!)

So at that moment, I was quite surprised- what's a mailman doing with so many nice things, waiting at my door? I think at this juncture the pizza smells came bursting into my nose, and that probably was what jolted me back to reclaim my senses once again.

And then I remembered;- I AM THE MAILMAN'S MISSUS!

So then I jumped up, and aimed my excitement onto his cheek

And that, one and all, is the story of how I kissed the mailman.

Laid bare at 11:57 pm
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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Starry Starry Night

Did I tell you I was a groupie on Friday night? I watched Jun and her band perform, and I felt so so proud of that girl! Music is her element, and I swear I've never seen her happier or more at home than on that stage that night.

That's the girl Music chose

-

And I got front-row seats next to Adebelle too. It's been awhile since we last met, much less since we last talked. She was the only person in my LTB group whom I felt was on the same planet as me. (No Miggy, you were on another planet, with your desperate attempts to kill me for disposing of 'Where's Wally'- your cheap porn thrill! ;P Nah, I love you Miggy, all the same)

I miss Addy. Let's meet soon please? I promise I won't hit your tattoo wound again!

Laid bare at 9:34 pm
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a.C.s. admits girls now. You didn't hear?

Good things come in small packages

Remember this smile. The next time you see it, you might be so dazzled it will blind you.

Laid bare at 6:30 pm
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Saturday, November 19, 2005

Numero Veinte

Bob, as you requested:

Twenty Things You'll Love To Hate About Me

1. I have put on 7 kilos since coming to university. S-E-V-E-N. No shit.

2. I am attached to Meng. Not related to the friendly primate at the zoo.

3. My parents can't spell Meng's full name properly. It's always Weimeng, Weeming, Weimin... Everything but the very simple Weiming.

3. I address the people I talk the most with by one-syllable names- Meng Jun Toe Syl Chiayin (said really quickly- Chaaiiin) Bob Koof Pao Cong Rox Lu. You get the idea.

4. Since my 20th birthday last month, I have lied twice that I am 19.

5. I run. A lot. Despite my mom's insistence that it will cause my ovaries to sag.

6. I eat even more. I have on average, 1 meal and 6 snacks a day.

7. I have 5 earholes.

8. The wireless network in my house is named after my dog.

9. I hate my body. Everything I want big is too small, everything I want small is too big.

10. My wardrobe is bursting. But I only feel like a fashionista when I nip my mom's clothes to wear.

11. I know the Mambo handsigns to Square Rooms. Yes, shame.

12. I can't take coffee, but love coffee-flavoured food. I can't live without Meiji Coffee MILK (haha)

13. I have a destructive streak in me. I made Zhimin's one-day-old iPod Nano two months old instantly.

14. I am extremely un-Singaporean. I abhor chili and think durians stink. (I perfumed my hands the last time I happened to come into contact with the putrid fruit)

15. I think the two most beautiful people in the world are my two grandmothers. I am not biased.

16. My sister is prettier than me.

17. My dad to me, is what Newcastle FC is to Meng and Bob.

18. I have 2 permanent scars on my knee, sustained 11 years apart from each other.

19. I pretend I don't like deep-fried food, or say I can't eat it cos I've got a sore throat. In truth, I absolutely adore it.

20. I have never read, and do not intend to read Harry Potter.

-And I hereby command Jun, Lulu, Chiayin, Toe and Rox to do so.

20 lines. All about yourself.

Laid bare at 10:23 pm
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Smiles

It's a gloomy day. I need smiles for sustenance.

Mel's got one of the nicest smiles. I miss you Mel

My favourite smile of all.

Laid bare at 1:20 pm
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

As weird as Willy Wonka

Feel my angst. Feel my irritation.

I think the SMU bidding system has gone positively nutters. No thanks to over-zealous freshmen who throw in ridiculously high bids, and suddenly-preassigned-to-freshmen courses.

I hate you BOSS. BOSS 1, BOSS 1A, BOSS 2, BOSS 2A. I hate you all.

BOSS 3, I'm scared of you.

So I'm left with a course that has ONE vacancy left, that the whole damn school can bid for. And another module that I HAVE to do by the end of year 2, but they pre-assigned it to the freshmen. And there are zero vacancies left. Zero, zilch, nil, zip. Nothing left, smooth as a baby's bottom.

I want to go to Greece. Channel 16, my love. Really, I should be having a good tete a'tete with my friendly report that ever so often calls out Hey just 3000 words more!

Just.kill.me.now.
But please, bury me in Greece.

Laid bare at 1:15 am
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Friday, November 11, 2005

Why, we all come to the same stairway landing

Days of coffee with Jun (though I don't drink coffee) are so precious. Because she holds my hand, listens to me, shares her heart with me, and climbs over booth seats to sit next to me- 'I want to sit closer to you!'

Best of all.. She gives me insight on my problems with a definitive vision I never can manage for myself. And I tell her things about her problems she didn't realize for herself before.

I like that.
-

I went into a handicapped bathroom in school today. And when I was inside, I had to supress the urge to yell, "Hey mom look! I'm using a handicapped toilet! I should be in the news!" This is the cue to roll your eyes heavenward with me.

Yes I'm talking about the Xiaxue fiasco. Now I am not a Xiaxue reader, I personally prefer pinkshoefetish and ickleoriental, thank you very much. I don't like Xiaxue's sarcasm, and her love for rolling the male/female genitalia labels off her tongue leaves much to be desired. BUT the thing is, what's the deal about this whole ballyhoo about her using the damned handicapped bathroom? Why has it blown to such proportions that even newspapers other than The New Paper (which as always, runs such trashy stories) have articles about the toilet fiasco?

All because of ONE post she made on ONE experience she had. Sure, I might not agree totally with what she says (For the record, I don't think it's right to hog the handicapped toilet, but I don't think it's wrong to use it if nobody needs it urgently), but c'mon give the girl a break. It's just ONE opinion she holds. One opinion contrary to the views of her detractors. Why should the opinion of one single person make everyone else condemn that particular viewpoint and slime her as a person too in the process? Why should the BLOGpost of one girl make the nation sit up and shout 'Damn those irksome able-bodied people who take more than 4 minutes in a handicapped toilet they shouldn't even have a right to use!'?

Honestly, is it worth it? Gee, all that hoopla probably played right into Xiaxue's court. She loves attention, doesn't she? And hey, even bad attention is attention.

Laid bare at 1:13 am
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Thursday, November 10, 2005

A miscarriage of the heart

Ricochet.

The damn word has so many forms and meanings, compliments of the thesaurus;-
Disappoint. Bounce. Backfire. Backlash. Rebound. Jump. Touch. Leap. Recoil.

Odd.

I feel every single one of them.

Laid bare at 3:04 am
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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

My head is red and blue

Macroeconomics-

With every word I read, I feel myself gravitating towards an F or just getting by. Like the blah-grade I got the last time.

13 hours- even then, it's far from a wrap.

Laid bare at 2:03 am
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Monday, November 07, 2005

De ninguna orden particular

Bidding for courses is a pain in the ass.

Collaborating to bid for courses is an even more severe pain in the ass.

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I like watching black and white figures move on television, helium-quacked voices commenting in the background, and women with thick middles, liquid eyes and stiff blonde bobs. Hail the queen of reruns.

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You know the story of the old woman who lived in a shoe- who had so many children she didn't know what to do? I feel like one of those poor tykes;-
She gave them some broth
Without any bread.
She whipped them all soundly
And sent them to bed.

I should just stop keeping such late nights.

Laid bare at 2:37 am
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Friday, November 04, 2005

Clap, bang, kiss

Last night was a wild goose chase of sorts.-

I raced to hurry my dinner. Time with grandparents is always much cherished, best enjoyed when nothing else is niggling at the back of your mind. Au' contraire, for me.

We rushed to get to the ice-cream parlour before closing time. Closing Time.

It was a cursory attempt to find out what was lost. What we had left so coated in barmy grime it was no longer visible to us.

A brisk drive to Greenwood Avenue, and a promise for battered fish and chips wrapped in paper. Just how we had it in London, balancing our hot grease dinner between keeping our knuckles warm.

Make haste, for the love of a tired girl, won't you?

Laid bare at 10:55 am
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What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other word would smell as sweet.

The Rose in the Deeps of his Heart
-by William Butler Yeats

All things uncomely and broken,
all things worn-out and old,
The cry of a child by the roadway,
the creak of a lumbering cart,

The heavy steps of the ploughman,
splashing the wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms
a rose in the deeps of my heart.

The wrong of unshapely things
is a wrong too great to be told;
I hunger to build them anew
and sit on a green knoll apart,

With the earth and the sky and the water,
remade, like a casket of gold
For my dreams of your image that blossoms
a rose in the deeps of my heart.

Laid bare at 10:45 am
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Thursday, November 03, 2005

Sleeping Beauty took a hundred-year slumber

En route to his meeting, a stranger stopped and waved at illusive coffee beans. He spent the next two hours talking to me, and waved the meeting off his agenda. And because Shawn, I know you like rhyming :
Oh weary knight
Lift your masquerade.
Shall then this light
Halt your grand charade?

-

You know how it is; when your tirade can't hold out any longer, and the stinking harangue comes out even in a place where they fix signs to shush everyone up. Lordy, the library of all places. I need to get my mouth, and my head firmly cellotaped.

Much love to Jun for being able to hug a sourpuss. It felt a little like sunbeams in the dead of the insane night. Not giant rays, just baby streams of light.

But suffice. Jun; just between the both of us- you inspire me.

And to the current state of other affairs- Je suis fatigue.

Laid bare at 12:41 am
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

So slay the dusty dragon

You see the ten thousand shadowy blades
Moving in the air
Staring straight at you

And then you want ten thousand more.

-
I can't believe I'm malfunctioning because of you. A person only does that when she's faced with rat-faced finks or someone she has high hopes for.

Laid bare at 3:43 pm
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Alice liked Mad-Hatter teas

So I'm sitting here, reading The Da Vinci Code, just about 2 years after everyone else.

A satisfying Garibaldi Italian chocolate molten cake resting in the crevices of my stomach.

A stunner of a movie in Sympathy for Lady Vengeance ruminating in my head. Movies that make you think so much the mental synapses exhaust themselves voluntarily- a'la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Closer, and my personal favourite The Virgin Suicides.

A charming night, to say the least.

3am, and still more tete a'tete with Langdon, Sauniere and Princess Sophie.

Laid bare at 3:13 am
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